


It's normal in Nibelheim

by ectocosme



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Humor, I don't know if I should bother tagging the relationships, It's only hinted, M/M, Multi, Nibelheim is ffvii's Russia, silliness, which mean I can at least hope it's a bit cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 13:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ectocosme/pseuds/ectocosme
Summary: Genesis wants to kill an unknown trooper, Zack is in love with ahandsomeunknown trooper, Angeal deal with infantrymen for the first time and Sephiroth has to take care of the SOLDIER exam this year. The connection? One little Cloud Strife..best reviews of the fic:“it's the best!” - me“ew” - me“I saw her write the last bit with only one hand!” - also me“pourquoi est-ce que tu ris comme une hyène?” - my mother





	It's normal in Nibelheim

**Author's Note:**

> or when I ask myself why we automatically associate Nibelheim with a northern European country and why not Russia? (yes, bc it's Nibelheim not Страна смога ) but that's the setting for the fic.
> 
> what if Nibelheim is FFVII's Russia equivalent?

Genesis heard the rumour first.

It was normal since he spent half of his free time getting to date on the newest gossip going around the SOLDIER department.

This week he learnt that Scarlet went to work one morning when she had been out in a club for the last hours, drunk her weight in coffee, started laughing maniacally as she designed a new machine and promptly collapsed on her desk for six hours.

But the more interesting one was that a little trooper and his merry squad went in a bar frequently used by SOLDIERs. Like always when those two groups interacted, some stupid dare was soon set up. In a bar, the logical challenge was to see who could out-drink the other.

Older troopers knew the challenge was impossible, but they still loved to put their little ones face to face with a SOLDIER capable of digesting the poison that alcohol was at a surreal rate in comparison to a trooper.

Except this one seemed to have outdrank the three SOLDIERs present. Genesis needed to find him and challenge him.

Finding him was simple, his squad wanted to see what he could drink without getting down too and the next weekend he was back in the bar, face to face with Genesis.

At least it was what people told the redhead because he had _no_ memory of the night. The boy outdrank him and Genesis blacked out. He couldn't recall how he went home. He couldn't recall that he made pancakes at two in the morning and cried about one dropped on the ground and calmed only when Angeal made him a smiling pancake. He couldn't recall the face of the trooper. Or his name. And yet he had a cue. He wrote the name and – he thought – the service number of the trooper. If only Genesis could read his own scribbly note! But it was as recognisable as Cyrillic.

The worst was that all the others troopers where silent about the culprit identity. One even said they were worried Genesis would kill him.

Which was absurd. If the boy could avoid his firaga until he was satisfied the little thing could live.

.

Zack loved dares and challenges as much as Genesis. That was something Angeal picked on pretty early on in his mentorship and used without shame. It was the reason Zack climbed to the top faster than anyone except for the Holy Trinity.

All the SOLDIERs knew it too. Turks and troopers. PR people and secretaries. Which mean he had a list of dares to fulfil if Angeal didn't supervise him each second of each day. A thing he couldn't do, sadly.

Because Angeal was a great teacher and he fucking hated seeing his disappointed face Zack did his best to minimise those dares. Sometimes it was too hard. Sometimes he lost the first dare and had to do something else.

Like standing in a godawful weather, cold wind and snow mistreating him as he was in the thin SOLDIER uniform. Zack swore he would take revenge when sensations returned to his extremities. And he found the entrance to the Tower. Because the storm prevented him from going back and declare himself defeated by elements. He couldn't see two feet in front of himself.

All that because he said SOLDIERs were more resistant to extreme weather. He was right. His pals were just assholes for forgetting to say a storm was coming.

Now the wind was ruffling him and taking away the last bit of warmth he tried to save. He was going to freeze to death. Angeal wasn't going to be proud of him.

“Hey.”

Zack almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to the trooper standing behind him. Poor little thing had to do his patrol even today apparently. Zack wanted to hug him. To protect him. Maybe to hog his body heat like a warmth-leech too.

“Take that, you look cold.”

The trooper shoved his own coat into Zack's hands and grabbed his biceps. Zack wanted to cry at the warmth touching him. He let himself be moved and was going to thanks his buddy when his forehead hit the tower's door. He turned toward his saviour only to see grey snow clogging his sight and the silhouette fading away.

Zack wanted to shout him to return to the tower or keep his coat. Yet he bit his tongue because of his strong chatter. The time it took for him to stop whining the trooper had disappeared into the mist. A true knight in shining armour. Or issued ShinRa military uniform. Whatever.

Zack was smitten.

If the hypothermia made Zack confused about the height of the trooper and the rest of his appearance, he remembered his thick accent and proclaimed it would be enough for him to find his hero and give back the coat.

He never admitted to anyone that Angeal may have been right and he was exaggerating the height of his hero. The coat was _tiny_. But in Zack's heart, the trooper took a ginormous place.

“Certainly dead after that,” Genesis had said, still sulking about his own unknown trooper.

.

Five broken noses, four broken arms, three concussions, two pretty bad strains, a crushed foot, too many bruises to count and eight troopers locked up in their lockers.

Angeal never put his nose in military's problems before. He had asked about the file of the complaints about Zack. The boy had made friend with some trooper who trained to become SOLDIER. Cloud Strife risked being ejected from the SOLDIER program if his involvement in this incident was confirmed. Such outbursts of violence were refrained in SOLDIER.

He decided to go down to the barracks to talk to all the party and sort it out. The puppy eyes Zack made did play a role in his decision. But he didn't need to be confirmed his pleading look worked on Angeal, though.

Wide eyes and mouth agape received him when he arrived in the Colonel's office. He nodded toward the man who shrugged, used to SOLDIER's eccentricities including one coming to interrogate infantrymen.

Then he looked around. In one row was all the wounded troopers and on another, two little things who should be in their mom's legs or playing around, not in the infantry. The brunette was resisting the urge to hunch over himself, and the blond was looking at Angeal with awe too. This one had bruises on his face and his hands. That plus his strange hair made him recognisable: Cloud Strife.

Angeal frowned at the row of eight soldiers. They jumped and straightened under his gaze. For him, it was a clear case of bullying. Those two couldn't have defended themselves against a complete squad alone. They had help, and they were protecting this someone.

“So, can I have an explanation?”

“They bullied Abe, so I gave them a beating,” Cloud said. When Angeal turned to him he blushed and added. “Uh, Commander”

Angeal sighed, “Please, tell me the truth. It's clear you had help, and even if the guy had a good heart he needs to face the consequences.”

“Sorry, Commander,” Abe's blush was redder than Cloud's. “But Cloud is telling the truth.”

“While protecting your helper is honourable, I believe he should take responsibilities for his... beating.” Angeal turned toward the injured troopers and lifted a brow. “Do you have another version of the story to say?”

A gangly young man shook his head and straightened again, “No, Commander! We were bullying Abe and were punished for that.”

Angeal's frown deepened. Question after question the boys stuck to the first version so Angeal finally released them. Talking with the Colonel, Angeal knew a bit more on Cloud, he was quick-tempered and used his fists a bit too much, but he couldn't hurt a fly with his frame from the Colonel's opinion. If Angeal tended to disagree – he had trained with Turks sometimes – he knew the way troopers were trained and with this form of fighting Cloud _couldn't_ hurt a fly. Certainly not eight troopers. Proof was all the fights he participated in at his arrival in his squad which made zero injured.

Either he was an exceptional fighter knowing enough to beat people without hurting them or he was incapable of inflicting wounds. Angeal had already chosen what he believed in.

Angeal was still impressed by the way Cloud managed to become Corporal this young and in a majorly older squad. His loyalty to the unknown trooper who helped him and Abe was a good point for him, so Angeal decided to push a bit for the accusations to be ignored for the SOLDIER exam.

When Angeal talked about this unknown helper that none of the troopers denounced, Genesis was certain it was _his_ trooper. He swore to the Goddess he would find him then went into a monologue Angeal didn't quite follow. He was more focused on the way Zack smiled dreamily to nothing in particular.

At least he made the best choice.

.

“Hello, Sephiroth,” Angeal said, entering the room which gave onto the training area below them.

The silver General glanced at him over his shoulder and nodded, “Angeal.”

“I'm curious about the trial you confectioned for the boys,” Genesis commented, a step behind Angeal.

“It should make Lazard think twice before putting me in charge of the exam ever again,” Sephiroth declared.

“I'm even more curious now.”

He went toward the glass and scanned the boys. Behind the three Firsts other curious SOLDIERs entered, Zack was one of them and wiggled his way toward the trio. He wore a bright smile and a winter coat Angeal recognised. But he thought the puppy had given it back.

“The coat-”

“I was freezing this morning,” Zack cut him, bouncing with energy. “Cloud gave it to me. The last time before he has his wardrobe change!”

“You mean he's your 'tall and handsome'saviour?” Angeal teased.

“Well, he's not so tall, but he's handsome!”

“Cute, I would say,” Genesis commented.

“Also!” Zack agreed.

“I thought he died,” Genesis continued. “Look, he doesn't have any fat on his bird bones how would he have survived the cold?”

“He said it was a normal weather in Nibelheim.”

Sephiroth purposefully kept his eyes on the troopers in the training room as they listened to the Colonel giving them instructions. He startled when Angeal put a hand on his shoulder.

“Seph? Why do you look like you made a mistake and can't bring yourself to say it out loud?” Angeal asked.

“There is a friend of Zack in this batch?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“Yeah! Cloud! Cute little guy with crazy blond hair, a love to fight things with bare hands and drink alcohol like it's water!” Zack supplied before sighing longingly. “I'm so in love with him.”

“Aren't you with Aerith?” Angeal asked.

Zack nodded, a goofy smile on his face, “She's so in love with him.”

“Wait, is your Cloud the same trooper who outdrank me?” Genesis asked with a sudden realisation.

Zack nodded with energy. “Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you about it.”

Sephiroth cleared his throat, “Then, can I suggest you go get him before the exam start?”

“No! He wants to be in SOLDIER. I won't stop him!”

“Zack,” Sephiroth hissed. “Go get-”

He heard the doors of the training room opening and the subsequent gasps of horror. Both from the SOLDIERs in the room and the troopers now face to face with-

“Nibel wolf?” Zack asked in a high-pitched voice. In a show of quick-thinking, he dashed out of the room before any of the wolves left their cage. A continuous scream followed him as he left, they could infer his position by it and fortunately, it caught the Wolves' attention for a bit.

Until Cloud whistled. The frozen SOLDIERs in the room above the aspirants SOLDIER flocked to the window, moved by a morbid curiosity. They saw the wolves consider the little trooper then run to him. The others examinees backed down, swords splattering on the ground, or for the few courageous, held them higher.

Cloud stood waiting. He held a hand for the first wolf and, to the surprise of all, patted the beast's head. He scratched its ears and the wolf all but became goo under the blond's hand.

“There, there,” the SOLDIERs could hear him say.

The others wolves came to him too. Sephiroth couldn't determine if they tried to eat him or just wanted cuddles, but the little trooper finished on the ground, pushing heads and feets. He wasn't screaming at least. He even started chuckling as the wolves excitedly – Sephiroth decided they were excited and not bloodthirsty – rubbed against the trooper.

“Cloud!”

“Oh, hey Zack! Do you want to pat them? I only have two hands and they're quite needy.”

The SOLDIERs still in the observer room saw the puppy tentatively approach one of the wolves then pat it awkwardly. Zack jumped when one rubbed against his side but soon warmed up to them.

“I can't believe it,” Angeal breathed.

A series of murmurs agreeing with him followed until the room was plunged into silence again.

Genesis chuckled, “I like him.” He leaned toward his burly friend and whispered, “Angeal?”

“Let me guess, you finally want a mentee and want to know how I did it.”

Genesis nodded a wild grin on his lips. He crossed his arms and kept his eyes on the two idiots cuddling wolves. Obviously, such an extra kid was meant to caught Genesis' attention.

Sephiroth leaned toward Angeal before whispering, “Angeal?”

This time the burly man waited a second. He searched why his friend needed him. Tentatively he asked, “What?”

“Do you think I could pet them?”

Angeal looked at his friend to see if he was joking. Sephiroth had huge pleading eyes shining with excitement. Genesis patted the silver head.

“Go for it, love.”

Sephiroth addressed Genesis a grateful look before leaving.

“Genesis!” Angeal hissed, Sephiroth already far gone.

“What?”

“Don't say to him it's okay to pet Nibel Wolves!”

“Why? Zack and the little one seem to be enjoying themselves; Sephiroth should too.”

“Yeah, people will sure be less terrified to talk to him when they'll learn the Silver General can pet Nibel wolves. I thought we agreed to teach him what he needed to live with other people comfortably.”

“No, you're teaching him how to talk with normal people. Me? I teach him how to have fun,” the redhead said. “Now, if you please, I'm going to see my future mentee. And pet the murder puppies.”


End file.
